


Broken

by RandomFandom94



Category: markiplier - Fandom
Genre: ADHD, Anxiety, Broken, Depression, F/M, Hypersensitivity, Insomnia, Markiplier - Freeform, Nate is like your big brother, NateWantsToBattle - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, RandomFandom94, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2018-12-02 23:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11519310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFandom94/pseuds/RandomFandom94
Summary: (Y/N) means Your Name(L/N) means Last Name(H/C) means Hair Color(H/L) means Hair Length(E/C) means Eye Color(S/N) means Sister's Name(N/N) means Nick NameThere are more to be added





	1. Chapter 1

Y/N has not had the easiest life.

When she was five, her family died in a car crash. Mother and father died on impact. Her sister died of shock and wiplash in the hospital a few hours later.

She lives in an orphanage that neglects her for a year. In that year she made friends with Thomas Sanders.

On her seventh birthday, a visiting rich business man by the name of Fred Fletcher, adopts her and takes her back home to Cincinnati, Ohio. The first few years are great. Anything she wanted, Fred got her in a heartbeat. She makes a friend named Grace. And life is good.

By the time she was ten, her innocence has been taken from her, she is beaten everyday and has developed a series of disorders.

She has had ADHD since she was a young child. But has developed depression, anxiety, hypersensitivity, and insomnia. The only person who knows about them is the man who adopted her and her friend Grace

She gets through middle school and high school by doing a number of things such as, cheerleading, gymnastics, chior, band. In band she learned the drums, piano, gutar, bass guitar and so on. Always made sure she was home late, but it never stoped Fred.

In 2007 she gains an academic scholarship to University of Cincinnati where she studies to be a Bio Medical Engineer and on the side takes a few classes in editing just for fun. While she was away, PTSD sets in from being seperated from the abuse. During her time in the University, she has a dorm mate that locks her out because of her nightmares. She meets Mark Fischbach and Y/N become quick friends with him and his dorm mate Bob. Soon she is always staying in her dorm neighbor's dorm and slepping there after hiding from TA. She also meets her fiancè, Ronnie Sheer.

By 2011, Fred fakes a heart attack to get her to come home. He tells her that it was so bad that he needed constant supervision. She quits college to watch over the man that adopted her. When she gets there, she learns that he had lied to her.

That's when she snapped. She packed the few things that she owned. She and Ronnie tagged with Grace to move to Los Angeles.

In LA, she cut off all ties to Fred. She also meets a man going by the name of Nathan Smith at the time and they become close friends almost in an instant. They consider themselves brother and sister.  In 2012, when Nate started his channel, NateWantsToBattle, and became Nathan Sharp, he and Y/N sang paradies, covers, and a few orginals together all the time.

Also in that time, she and Grace had started a channel together as well. They are known as RandomlyPurple. When the views skyrocket, they split off into their own channels of RandomGaming and PurpleRain.

Grace meets a man named Josh Ribolt and they begin dating around the time Ronnie proposes to Y/N. Nate finds out about her disorders around this time and promises to always be there for her.

In March of 2013, the day before the wedding of Y/N and Ronnie, Ronnie finds out about her disorders and walks off with a blonde named Reina Carson. That night she got into a really bad place in her mind and Nate helps her out of it.

It is now 2014. Grace and Josh are getting married and she needs to find a place to stay before the lease on their shared apartment is up. She is having some problems untill a certian someone walks back into her life...


	2. Chapter 1

Hi! My name is Y/N L/N, but people know me as RandomGaming on YouTube. I am a famous gamer on YouTube along with many others. My best friend, Grace, or PurpleRain, is also a famous gamer on YouTube. I lived in Cincinnati before I droped out of college to worry about family issues. But, when those issues passed, I left Cincinnati, with my friend Grace, to Los Angeles, just get away from it all. When we came out here, we started to make stupid little videos that were pretty funny and Grace had the idea to post them to YouTube. Our views skyrocketed and we split off to make our own channels. Me being RandomGaming and her being PurpleRain. We lived life, had a few romances here and there, some didn't work out and some did. Grace is currently engaged and expecting a child, so both of us are looking for a new apartment or house.

Right now, I am walking around the streets just getting some fresh air. Grace and her fiancé, Josh, are just screaming at each other and I just needed to get out of there.

I sigh as I sit down on one of the park benches. This is nice, it is quiet, kids are playing in the distance, people are walking their dogs, and some YouTubers that I recognize are just recording little vlogs or sketches. I smile and then grab my phone.

I start up the camera and start recording. "Hey guys, RandomGaming here." I wave into the camera, "Just wanted to give you an update on how my house hunt is going. So far not so good. I have one week before Grace and Josh get to move into their new house and I still haven't found anywhere. Anyway, I know this is a short video, but I promise you, as soon as I find a place I will start recording again. Thank you all so much for watching. Stay random!" I shut off the camera and go to upload it to YouTube.

After I upload it, I turn off my notifications. Not that I don't care what my fans have to say, it's just right now I need peace and quiet.

I sit in the peaceful sounds of everyone else having a good day. It sounds nice and it is actually making my mood better.

"Thought I recognized you." A familiar voice says from behind me.

I turn around and see my old college buddy, Mark Fischbach. "Mark? Holy shit! How long has it been?!"

"Years." He smiles, "So, how's life?" He sits down next to me on the bench.

I explain what has happened with my family after I left college. Tell him how I moved out after all the drama to get some peace. Explain about my YouTube and my fans also how I haven't posted in almost a month so I could focus on finding an affordable apartment. After I explain how my life was going since I droped out, he starts catching me up on his life. Turns out he dropped out shortly after I did. He decided that he defiantly wanted to be in gaming. He also started a YouTube too, he is known as Markiplier. He has 31,000 subscribers, thats a few thousand more that I have right now.

Out of nowhere my phone rings, "Oh, sorry. Just a sec." I pull my vibrating phone from my back pocket and answer it, "This is Y/N."

"Where the hell are you?!" Nate yells into my ear, "Gracie has been calling and calling, she says she can't find you anywhere!"

I roll my eyes, "Calm down, Nate. Good God. I'm fine, I'm just at one of the parks, alright."

I can hear Nate relax, "OK. Then why have you been ignoring her calls?"

"I needed some time to myself. Her and jackass got into a screaming match again."

"Should have known. You going home anytime soon?" He asks.

I think about it for a moment, "Nah... I'm close by the apartment, I'll stop by for the night. Give them some time to cool down."

"Alright then. I'll be recording so just walk in."

"OK, see ya then!" I hang up and put my phone back into my pocket. I turn back to Mark, "Sorry 'bout that."

"It's alright. So were you talking to Nate as in NateWantsToBattle?" He asks me.

"Yeah. We make a lot of covers together. He sorta became my brother after I moved here." I explain.

"That reminds me," He starts, "we should do a colab together."

I chuckle, "I was waiting for you to say that. But, I need to wait until I can find an apartment that I can afford on my own before I can start doing videos again." I pull a pen out from my purse and grab his arm and quickly write my number down on it. "Don't be a stranger though, alright?"

He looks at me before grabbing my pen and writing his number down on my hand, "Same goes to you!" He flashes me his signature smile and hugs me before he gets up and leaves.

I smile to myself and program his number into my phone. Just as I shut it off, I got a text from him. There is a picture of him and I hugging and a caption at the bottom that said, 'Get ready for the ship RandomMarkiplier!' I smile and quickly type 'I better sharpen my sword for the fangirl apocalypse because your fangirls are gonna kill me! LOL!'

This time, I put my phone in my back pocket and start to walk towards Nate's apartment. On the way there I notice a small corner store. Feeling for the money in my pocket, I walk into the store and pick up some subs for dinner, along with some chips and soda.

By the time I reach the apartment building, it's already starting to get dark. I climb up the eight flights of stairs and then walk into the door of Nate's apartment. Immediately, I get tackled by something large, yellow and slobbery. It takes a few seconds for me to realize that it's my yellow lab Kara. Nate must of picked her up. "Hey KareBear!" She starts to lick my face, "Oph, yes! I missed you too." I say as I start to pet her.

When I can finally push her off and pick up the bags that I droped when Kara decided to tell me hi, I put them onto the kitchen counter before putting the sandwiches in the fridge.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see another text from Mark. 'Then I better find my machete! Your fanboys are gonna murder me!' I quickly type a reply, 'No doubt. You should hide.'

Nate comes out of his room as I sit down on one of the stools next to the counter, "You're lucky that I could get your dog out of that apartment. Gracie almost killed me."

"First, Gracie needs to cool her shit. And second, you didn't have to get Kara. I would have been fine for one night." Kara comes over to me as she hears her name. I pet her head.

Nate rolls his eyes, "Last time you said that, you almost killed your self thrashing around."

"Okay, but that was two years ago. I've gotten better with my Night Terrors."

"Whatever, Y/N. I'm not taking the chance." He explains.

There is silence.

"Have you seen Twitter lately?" He asks, not looking up from his phone.

"No." I tell him, "But, I have a pretty good idea whats going on." He gives me a look as if to tell me to keep going, "I ran into Mark today, and as you know, I used to go to college with him. We talked and caught up, exchanged numbers, hugged. Some fan was able to capture the moment and posted it on Twitter. I'm sure it's on Instagram and Facebook by now along with other social media sites."

"Wow. OK, I was talking about your most recent video. The comments are so loving. But seriously, you met up with Mark again?" He puts his phone down on the counter after turning off his notifications for the night.

"More like he found me by accident. Oh well, either way it was a nice reunion. Glad to have him back in my life." I pick up my phone and go through my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram myself.

Nate laughed slightly, "Why do you make it sound like the two of you were dating back in college?"

I clicked the like button on the one picture of Mark and I hugging and then replied to the tweet, "If you just glanced at us back in college, you would of gotten that idea. The guy I dated back in college was a jerk. He fucking left me the day before our wedding for some blond bitch named Reina." I found Mark's twitter and then clicked on it.

Nate winces, "Well I know that part. You still wear your engagement ring." He motions to the silver winged ring on my left hand.

I smile, as my phone vibrates and sets off its light flare into his eyes, signaling that I have a text. It was Mark. 'What would I do with 25K fanboys tearing my apartment apart? There is nowhere to hide!' I laughed, 'Figure it out, Mark. I have to deal with 31K fangirls. But unlike you I have a place to hide. *insert evil laughter here*'

"Who ya texting?" Nate asks, rubbing his eyes.

"Mark. Like I said, we traded numbers."

Nate sighed, "OK, well I'm going to bed. Don't kill yourself in your sleep."

I stand up and stretch, "Going to bed is a good idea. I have to get up early tomorrow morning so I can continue to find an affordable apartment for myself. Did you bring Kara's leash?" He nods with a yawn and points to the top of the fridge. "'Kay, night!"

"Night, Y/N."

ONE WEEK LATER

I pack yet another box of Gracie's stuff. Why can't she pack her own shit! I sigh and tape the top of the box shut and then fall back onto her's and Josh's bed.

I still haven't found anywhere and I absolutely needed to be out of here by Friday. That gives me three days to get out of here. I'm already packed, I just need to find a place.

I close my eyes just as my phone started to play out Mark's horror outro -his ring tone. I click the answer button, "What do you want?"

"Damn, I'm good. Y/N, you need to relax." I can tell he's smiling to himself.

"No, Mark!" I sit up, "What I need is a place! I have to be out of here by Friday and if I don't have a place by then, I'm on the streets! Which means no more RandomGaming!"

Mark sighs, "Well, if you would let me finish, I would of told you why you needed to relax. But.... since you want to cut me off, get your ass down here. I gotta tell you something." He hangs up.

I get off the bed and grab Kara's turquoise leash, "Kara! Wanna go for a walk!" She lets out a tiny yelp before she comes to meet me by the door, "Yeah!" She sits down to be hooked up. We walk out the door of my shared first-floor apartment. Right outside the door was Mark.

"Oh! Puppy!" He kneels down to pet my dog, "Aren't you just a cute pupper."

I smile for a moment before deciding to remind why I'm down here, "Alright, I got 'my ass down here.' So what do you want?"

He rolls his eyes at me, "Get in the car."

He opens the back seat door for me to let Kara into the back. I do so and then get into the front passenger seat myself.

It is silent for most of the ride. Mostly, I am just wondering where he is taking me. As we turned down another street, I had to ask the question, "OK, Mark, where are you taking me?"

Mark sighs before speaking, "I found you a place... But... You have a roommate."

My jaw drops, "First, thank you. Second, as long as they aren't an asshole and can be courteous to my recording schedule, I'm OK with a roommate." I look in the backseat to Kara, "Are they okay with pets?"

He parks the car and nods, "Yeah. They love pets!"

I unbuckle and get out then go to the back to grab Kara. She barks happily before jumping out to follow Mark and I. Mark holds open a door to, what I assume is, the apartment he found for me. The first thing I notice is the spiral staircase in the corner of what appears to be the living room. Just to the right of the room was the kitchen. The downstairs is extremely roomy. There is another room to the left but the door is closed, so I decide to leave it alone for now. I wander up the spiral staircase and it leads straight into a bathroom. There is a huge mirror with two sinks and right behind it is the toilet and bathtub/shower. The large bathroom leads into an empty bedroom. I take a look around and see a medium sized walk-in closet. Just the perfect size to turn into a small recording room. I walk out of the room and the bathroom to see another bedroom to my right. It looks bigger than the empty one I wandered around in a second ago, it was also furnished so I guessed it was the master bedroom and the person who owns the house slept in it.

I walk down the stairs to see Mark waiting for me at the bottom with Kara. "When do I get to meet my roommate?" I ask.

He rubs the back of his neck, "And this is where you are really going to hate me..." He trails off.

"Why"

He hands me a key, "Hi! I'm Mark, your new roommate."

"Goddammit... I should of seen that coming." I laugh, "When can we get my stuff?"

"Now if you want."

"OK. Lets go." I put the key in my back pocket and follow him out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Published: Sunday, May 14, 2017 at 3:52 PM
> 
> Words: 2,417
> 
> Need to talk to someone? Message me!  
> Follow me on Twitter- @RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Snapchat- RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Wattpad- RandomFandom94   
>  ~RandomFandom94


	3. Chapter 3

I sit on the couch, petting Kara who is at my feet. The T.V. was just acting as some mindless background noise while I was on my phone. Soon, I put my phone down and turned to the T.V. showing an old episode of South Park.

Screams occasionally came from Mark's recording room. I figure he's recording some horror game.

He eventually comes out and grabs his keys, "Hey, I'm going to the store, you need anything?"

I think for a moment, "Red Kool-Aid and Baby Powder for a skit. I'll pay you back."

He nods, "Anything else?"

"Yeah, actually, can I borrow your recording room? I wanna do a live stream so people know I'm alive." I tell him, "My recording room is not set up yet."

"Yeah, sure. Go wild." He says as he walks towards the door.

"Wait!" I catch him just before he walks out the door, "Any games I can play?"

Mark turns around, "Yeah. I just finished recording a video for Five Nights At Freddy's. Just make sure you leave it at night two when you're done." He walks out the door this time.

I smile and then go to my upstairs to my room to get dressed for my live stream. I put on a Three Days Grace T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Brush my hair and put on some light makeup. Just some mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow and lip gloss. I may be a tom-boy, but I think I should look presentable for the Internet.

I look at my self in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable before going down stairs to Mark's recording room. When I get into the room, I look and see the computer is unlocked and in the video editor he uses. I open up YouTube, log him out and log myself in. After I log in I look for a song to make a live cover of. It was of course Wednesday and I made them Cover Wednesdays on my channel.

I hit the stream button and turn on the camera. In just a few seconds twenty thousand people started viewing.

"Oh, wow! Hey everybody! It's Random here, and as you can notice, I'm live! And not in my usual recording room. I am currently using my roommate's recording room and setup. So if it takes me a while to figure out what I'm doing..." I shrug, "sorry."

"So! As most of you Randomites know, It is Cover Wednesday! Because I'm doing this live, Nate, who I usually do my covers with, is not in this one. And because my guitar is in the recording studio room, that's at Nate's apartment, I'm just gonna sing to a karaoke track."

I pull up the screen to my karaoke track that I found on YouTube and shrink down my camera feed so they can see the words. "The song I'm singing a cover of is Secrets by One Republic. I hope you enjoy."

I start to sing the song and the chat explodes with comments. As I'm singing I catch the 'YOU'RE AWESOME' and 'MAKE A LEGIT COVER OF THIS' comments fly by. When I'm done with the song, I take a deep breath and begin to talk to my viewers, "Heh, wow my throat was dry. I haven't sang in almost a month. I feels nice to sing again. Uh, yeah, I'll actually make a down loadable cover of this when I get back on track with my videos. Thank you so much for all the nice comments on this song while I was doing this."

The chat explodes with 'OH NO UR DONE' and 'Awww.... this stream was so short' I chuckle lightly, "No guys I'm not done. I'm giving you everything but Skit Friday and Blooper Saturday. those will actually come on those days. I am going to record the skit with my roommate and the bloopers go with the skit. So..." 

"Anyway, I'm going to give you guys Random Thursday. So ask me a question... I'll answer the best I can for about ten minutes. Like a reading your comments live to you."

Questions started pouring in. Instead of doing the questions for ten minutes, I did it for like an hour. "Holy shit, guys! Well that was the last question. I'm gonna do Story Time Tuesday now. I know I'm doing all these out of order. I just want to do my game last that way I know to make more of this videos of said game."

"So my story this week is about me and my sister, S/N. I was about six when this happened, so that would make S/N seven. We were visiting Florida for my Grandmothers yearly family reunion..."

FLASHBACK

"Come on, (N/N)! We're at the beach!" (S/N) called out to me.

My six year old legs ran as fast as they could to catch up to my older sister, who was already in the water.

We had a great time in the water and I even made a new friend. His name was Thomas. I just called him Tommy. Together the three of us made a huge hole and we all climbed into it. My parents filled in the hole so just our heads were sticking out of it. Mom took a picture.

We were laughing the entire time and then we had to go home.

END FLASHBACK

"...And then we went home. I still talk to Thomas today." I end the story before it gets to the sad part. Comments kept asking why I went sad at the end of the story. "Thats for another story guys. I'll share it when I'm ready." I explain.

My phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see that it was my friend Thomas. I wonder if any of my fans would recognize his voice. I push the answer button and then the put him on speaker. "Hey! I was just talking about you! Whats up?"

"I was actually wondering what you were doing." He says.

I watch the chat go crazy. 'OMG SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT THOMAS SANDERS IN HER STORY!!!!' I even catch a 'So this is where she got STORY TIME Tuesday!!!'

"I'm doing a live stream right now. How about you?" I ask.

"Oh, no! Did I ruin it?"

I laugh slightly, "Nah, you made it better! Tell the fans hi. They recognize your voice."

"Hi, guys! Sorry for interrupting your stream!" He apologizes.

"It's okay, Tommy."

"Guys, fun fact! She's the only person in the world who calls me Tommy." He tells them, "Okay then, I'll talk to you later then. Take it easy guys, gals and non-binary pals. Peace out!" He says for the stream and then hangs up.

"Alright, now that that's over, let's move on to Gaming Monday. Today we are going to play a game that's been suggested by you guys frequently." I begin to pull it up to my stream, "Welcome to Five Nights At Freddy's. Now, my roommate has already started to film this so I am going to leave it at night two because that is where he left off."

I sigh, "OK. Let's get the shit scared out of us." I click new game and begin night one. In the game the phone started to ring. I try clicking everywhere before the phone answered itself.

"Hello, hello?"

"Hi!-" I was going to say more but the guy on the phone keeps talking. I just flick down my mouse and a camera monitor comes up.

"Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night."

"Oh, that's nice. Thanks, Phone Guy!" I start to click on other rooms.

"Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?"

"Okay!" I flick my mouse down and click the lights outside the door.

"Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, 'Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced."

"Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about."

"MIGHT!! Uh no, that does sound bad!"

"Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay."

"I will as long as they don't kill me! If these bastards come to kill me I will tear them apart!" I go back into the camera and check the anamatronics.

"So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night.Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?"

"Huh?!"

"Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll probably most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh."

"W-WHAT!!" I shout.

"Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up." 

"WELL IF THEY WOULD OF TOLD ME THESE THINGS I WOULDN'T OF SIGNED UP FOR THIS!!!"

"But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night."

"What the fuck!!!" I shout, "You cant just tell me that and expect me to be okay!!"

I continue to click the door lights and check the cameras. I was checking the cameras so fast towards the end that I could barely see what was on the screen. At the end of the night one, I survive.

"Okay everybody, this was an awesome stream. I am glad to be back and I can't wait to record videos again. Anyway, I'll see you guys later! Stay random!"

I end the stream and then go into the living room to find Mark in the kitchen putting food away. He tosses me a relatively small bag, "I didn't know how much you would need, so I got those giant things of pre-made Kool-Aid and big thing of baby powder."

"That's fine. How much do I owe you?" I ask as I catch the bag.

"Don't worry about it."

I go into the kitchen and help him put away the food he bought. It's quiet as we put things away. When we are done, he goes to sit on the couch and I sit on the floor in front of him. He immediately starts to play with my hair.

It's an old habit from college. Whenever we were bored or just didn't feel like talking, he would do this to mt hair. Sometimes, I played with his hair.

Eventually, I speak, "So, you know that colab you wanted to do?"

"Yeah, what about it." He asks, still playing with my hair.

I move from my spot on the floor and move to sit on th couch next to him, "Well I have a non-scripted skit that I need to get out by Friday. Wanna help me with it?"

He nods, "Start on it tomorrow?"

"Yeah. For now, lets just enjoy life"

He picks out a movie and then puts it in the movie player. The movie starts to play and he comes back to his place on the couch. Soon after the movie starts, I fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up on the couch, using Mark as a pillow. Mark was sound asleep but looked seriously uncomfortable. I wonder how he can sleep like that... I get up off the couch and go upstairs to wash my face off and change into some clean clothes for the day. When I come downstairs, Mark is just waking up.

He looks straight at me, "My blanket got up and left."

I chuckle, "Sorry, but we had to wake up at some point today. We have a skit to make."

"Right."

I go into the kitchen and start some water so it could boil, then put a frying pan on it and started to make some scrambled eggs with some toast. When the water boils, I put a least 3 cups of sugar in it and boil it some more. The eggs are done by now, so I put them onto two plates and wait for the toast to be done. The toast pops and I butter it then pour two glasses of orange juice. Before I take the plates out to the small table, I turn off my boiling sugar and let it sit, the sugar has dissolved by now. I set the plates on the table and Mark comes over and sits at one of the spots.

He looks more awake now. He also has gotten dressed too. "Thanks, Y/N."

"Welcome." I say as I dig into my plate of food.

We both eat silently just enjoying our food.

When we're done, I go and check my pot of disolved sugar and dump an entire thing or red Kool-Aid in it. This is going to make some cool blood for the skit. When that dissolves, It actually looks like blood.

Mark and I begin to record and we have a blast with it. By the time we're done, there is super sugary red Kool-Aid all over the kitchen floor and we have plenty of bloopers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2,558
> 
> Published: Friday, June 2, 2017 at 12:25 AM
> 
> Need to talk to someone? Message me!  
> Follow me on twitter- @RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Snapchat- RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Wattpad- RandomFandom94
> 
> ~RandomFandom94


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday

I wake up at six in the morning and set up my recording room. By the time I'm done it is around lunch time. I enjoy the rest of my day with Mark and my dog. I go to bed at nine at night.

Monday

Wake up at six in the morning. I record Five Nights at Freddy's non-stop. When I'm done editing, I have a total of six videos all about ten to fifteen minutes long. I go to bed at two in the morning.

Tuesday

Wake up at six in the morning. I record Story Time segments non-stop. When I'm done editing, I have a total of six videos all about five to ten minutes long. I go to bed at one in the morning.

Wednesday

Wake up at six in the morning. I record a bunch of Reading Your Comments, Vlogs, and little Challenges with Mark non-stop. When I'm done editing, I have a total of six videos all about fifteen to twenty minutes long. I go to bed at three in the morning.

Thursday

Wake up at six in the morning. I record many one-man-stands non-stop. They are either recreations of stand-up comedy parts or other skits by other YouTubers. When I'm done editing, I have a total of six videos all about fifteen to twenty minutes long. I go to bed at four in the morning.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Wake up at six in the morning. Drive over to the music studio that Nate and I share. I record a bunch of vocals, instruments, and video non-stop over the span of Friday and part of Saturday. I edit part of Saturday and all of Sunday. When I'm done editing, I have a total of six videos all about three to six minutes long. I schedule all of them to upload at the correct time. Eventually I fall asleep.

Monday...?

I wake up in a bed. As far as I could remember I fell asleep at one of my editing computers. I get up and stretch. I go out into the living room of Nate's apartment and see him on the couch watching DisneyXD. I can tell from the commercials.

He looks at me, "Oh, hey. About time you woke up."

I sit down next to him, "Yeah. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but why was I in your bed. You know I'm perfectly fine on the couch."

"Gravity Falls was on. Was I supposed to sit on you?" He asks as I sit down.

I laugh slightly, "No. Did they air the new episodes yet?"

"They're on next."

"I woke up in time then. By the way, how long was I out?" I ask.

He thinks for a moment, "It's Wednesday."

"Damn! 'Bout time I woke up!"

We sit and watch the two new episodes together. At some points we were angry, sad, laughing, and then confused when it reached the end. Was that the season finale? Why end it there? Oh well we'd get season two eventually.

We grab some chips and dip from the fridge to share. "You should just stay here tonight. You'd just have to come back in the morning anyway." Nate tells me as he opens the bag of chips.

"Why would I need to come back?" I ask, confused, opening the dip.

"Y/N, what's tomorrow?" He asks me, dumping the chips in a bowl. I look at him, confused as hell. He rolls his eyes, "Grace and Josh's wedding! We have to be there! You're one of the Bridesmaids and I am one of the Groomsmen. We are paired up. Remember?"

"FUCK!! I totally forgot. Well I guess I can stay here. But I have to pick up my dress. It's back at the apartment." I drop the spoon in the dip, "Why the hell are we paired up anyway?"

"Well, if you need your dress, I will follow you to your apartment and stay there for the night. I mean, your apartment is on the way to the wedding anyway." He says to me as he picks up the spoon and puts it in the sink. "And we are paired up because Gracie left the pairing up to the fans."

"I hate her sometimes, Nate, I really do." I state dryly, "Get your suit and anything else you'll need."

"The hate is mutual." He nods and leaves to go grab his stuff. When he has his car keys, we leave.

The drive isn't too hard. I mean, there are assholes on the street, but that happens every day.

When we reach the apartment, I open the door and can't find Mark. Usually he was downstairs watching some stupid show on the TV or something. Then I heard a scream from his recording room. There he is.

Nate hears the scream, "You live with that?" He asks, wide eyed, "How are you not deaf?"

I just laugh and roll my eyes before setting my keys down on the counter. I look around the place and see that it has been completely trashed since I was gone. "Geez. Did he forget how to live while I was gone?"

I start to pick up and Nate silently starts to help me. About five minutes later, Mark comes out of his recording room, quietly mumbling to himself.

When he notices us, he looks at me like I'm crazy. "So, you disappear for a few days. Then come back with your fanfic brother and clean..? Okay..."

I look at him, "Okay, first of all, fanfictions did not make him my brother. We did that ourselves. And second, you forgot how to live while I was gone." I explain.

"Did not!" Mark shouts throwing a pop can at me.

Nate catches the can from behind me, "Let's monkey in the middle." He throws it back to Mark.

I roll my eyes and grab the can from midair while doing a flip to get high enough to grab it.

"Don't fuck with me."

Nate looked to the floor, "Yeah... I forgot she could do that..."

"I didn't even know she could do that!" Mark shouts, "How?!"

"I was the captain of my cheer team. And I did gymnastics to get away from Fred. So..." I stick my tongue out at him.

We stop goofing off and get the downstairs picked up to the point where we could live in it again. When we were done with that we goofed off with movies and popcorn that we threw at each other. Kara ate what fell on the floor. After a while, Nate goes to bed in my room.

Mark and I continue to goof off down stairs. We calm down to watch a late night movie. He leans onto the arm of the couch while my back leans onto his side. My head was acting as an arm rest tor him. We begin to watch another movie when I start to doze off.

I am only half asleep when he picks me up bridal style and starts to carry me upstairs. I can tell that he lays me down in his bed and I hear his footsteps to turn off his light. I doze off once more, even when he climbs into the bed next to me and Kara jumps up at the foot of the bed.

I sleepily sigh, just like college. Just no TA and No Bob.

The next morning, I woke up with a message on my phone. It was from Nate. 'I have black mail...' There was a picture of Mark and I sleeping together like we used to in college. I quickly text back as I go downstairs, 'Name your price.'

Downstairs Mark was making his usual pancakes and Nate was joking around with him. I sit down on the counter quietly turning on a mobile Live Stream. I let it run just on the boys for a while before I turned it to myself, "Hey, guys! It's Random here!-"

Mark grabbed my phone from me and did his intro, "Hello, everybody! My name is Markiplier, and welcome to Y/N's Live Stream!-"

Nate followed suit, "How's it going, folks! My name is NateWantsToBattle, and yeah, this is Y/N's Live Stream..." 

He trails off, handing me back my phone. I shake my head and take my phone back, "As you can see, the entire Random Crew is here. Most of you know that today is Grace's wedding and I'm just going to do little live streams today to show what is going on."

I gave the phone off to Nate. "Also, we are looking forward to meeting some of the local fans who are able to come to the wedding as well. Look for us, take a picture with us."

Mark takes my phone from him, "And, I'm going to be there as well. Mainly because local fans were invited."

"You're not a fan!" I call out.

He gave me a blank stare, "How many of your fans are going to show up?" I shrugged to answer his question. "How many of Nate's fans are going to be there?" Once again I shrugged. "Technically, I am your fan. I'm aloud to show up." 

"Fair enough." I take my phone from him, "I hope you enjoyed this Wedding Live Stream. There will be another one when I crash these two getting ready. Now Mark is done making his pancakes, so, I'm gonna destroy those mother fuckers." I quickly end the stream and begin to make myself a plate of pancakes.

We eat in silence because Mark's pancakes are so good. Mark is the first to finish. He takes his plate to sink and sits back down, "So when do we have to be there?"

I started to think, "The wedding starts at three. Doors close to guests at two forty-five- They open at two. It takes an hour to get there. So we have to leave between one thirty and one." I look at the clock. It reads 10:47, "It's ten forty-seven, so we have two hours to get ready. Whose car are we taking?"

"We'll take mine." Mark says, as he leaves to go find his suit.

"Alright, but I'm driving!" I shout to him, putting my plate in the sink.

About twenty minutes later I am the only one down stairs enjoying some mindless TV. Mark is probably looking for his suit, Nate is probably looking through his phone on my bed. I take out my phone and start to go to the mobile live stream. As I turn it on and walk up the stairs to my room, I begin to sing the intro to a song Nate and I did months ago. He posted the video two months ago, so I figured it was okay to sing it now on a live stream.

I walk into my room singing, "This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: Huge success! It's hard to overstate my satisfaction."

I turn the camera to Nate, waiting for him to sing his part. He does not miss a beat. Of course I sing with him because that is how it was done in the video, "Aperture science: We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us-"

We hear running footsteps from Mark. When he reaches the room he deadpans the next line of the song in a much darker and deeper voice than he normally has, "Except the ones who are dead."

We all burst out into laughter, before I point the camera at them letting them do their intros.

Finally, I point the camera to me, "Hey, guys! It's Random here! In the comments let me know if you want a cover of Still Alive with Nate, Mark and I. And I swear to God, I will give it to you next month. Anyways, " I say, getting back to the topic of what I was doing, "we're about to get ready. I need to take a shower, and so does Nate and Mark. I was just being random. See you when we get on the road!" I shout and end the stream.

I throw my phone to my bed and grab a towel, my lilac dress and some undergarments. "I'm going to take a shower." I announce as I go into my bathroom. My shower is not too long, but it's relaxing. I begin to wash my hair and feel the slightly raised scar that Fred had given me when I was twelve. I ignore the memory and rinse the bubbles out of my hair.

I turn off the water and grab my white towel drying my H/C hair and S/C body. I put on the dress that Grace picked out for the bridesmaids. Still drying my hair on the towel, I walk out of the bathroom to my mirror.

"Next!" I call out and Nate goes into the bathroom.

As soon as the door closes, I begin on my make-up. It was simple: foundation, concealer, light purple eye shadow, blacked winged eyeliner, mascara and some light red lipstick. By the time I am done Mark was looking for his gray cardigan. I turn on my camera and live stream once more.

"Hey guys." I whisper, "The boys are taking forever to get ready. So let's get mean." I walk out of my room and over to Mark's. "Let's see how long it takes for him to notice us." I whisper once more.

Mark slips on his cardigan, makes sure it fits perfectly, then speaks, "You're not sneaky, Y/N."

"Awwww" I laugh then leave to find Nate. He was buttoning up his the white shirt to his tuxedo. "Hey, Nate!" I call out.

He turns to me and screams, seeing that I was live streaming. I burst out laughing and go down stairs. "So, yeah. We're about to leave. We will see you all shortly!" I wave and end the stream.

When the boys come downstairs, they are ready to leave. Mark grabs his keys and throws them to me. I catch the keys and walk out the door, Mark and Nate following behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2289
> 
> Published: Wednesday, July 5, 2017 at 6:48PM
> 
> Need to talk to some one? Message me!  
> Follow me on Twitter- @RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Snapchat- RandomFandom94  
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> 
> ~RandomFandom94


	5. Chapter 5

I park the car next to an extremely familiar car. When I look over and see the person in it, I freeze. It is my ex finance, Ronnie. I haven't seen him since I caught him with Reina. To make things worse, Reina is in the car with him. I stare for a bit, letting my mind wander.

Nate puts his hand on my shoulder, "Everything will be fine. I promise, Y/N."

I snap out of my gaze and look to him. I nod and step out of the car, the boys following after. We make a beeline to the church, hoping Ronnie wouldn't notice us. Luckily, he didn't even look our direction.

Once we made it inside, Mark went to go find a seat while getting noticed by Fangirls. Nate and I went to the back where Grace would be.

I found her in her beautiful white wedding dress having the last minute jitters. "Gracie, you love Josh, don't you?" She nods to me in response, "Then you have nothing to worry about. You made it to your wedding day and I doubt that Josh will back out now. I'm sure his brother is having the same talk with him."

Grace smiles at me then comes to hug me tightly, "I don't know what I would do without you, Y/N." She lets go of me and frowns.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She sighs and looks down to the floor, "After the honeymoon Josh and I are moving back to Cincinnati. But I am going to have to get rid of your contact info because the house we're staying at is close to Fred's place. The only way we can contact each other is through YouTube comments and maybe Skype."

I sigh sadly, "Gracie, you are doing what is best for you, Josh and your baby. I understand. Let's just make the best of today, okay?"

She hugs me again and smiles.

After about thirty minutes, it's time to line up. Grace's sister, Rae, makes sure that everyone is in their proper place then gets into her place. Everyone walks down and the wedding goes smoothly. There are no interruptions except from the occasional crying baby.

After the wedding everyone went to the reception area. Everyone is happy. Mark, Nate, Grace, Josh and a bunch of other of YouTube friends are all meeting fans and taking pictures with them. I am doing the same with the fans who come up to meet me.

After a while of music coming through the speakers, Nate get up on stage and begins to play a cover of Set Fire to the Rain. Everyone cheers and Ronnie comes to sit next to me. I move my arms to try and hide the old scars on them even though the make-up was doing that already.

"Hey, N/N. You know, I never noticed before, but your friend is pretty good." He says.

I look at him with a forced smile, "Well, maybe that was because you were too busy hating him all the time, Ron."

After a few more really old covers from Nate, I ask a question that has been nagging at the back of my head for almost a year, "Why did you leave?"

"Because you are broken." He says, "How can anyone love someone so broken."

I look down, "I'm not broken-" I begin.

"Oh really?" He begins to count the ways off on his hands, "You have depression, anxiety, hypersensitivity, insomnia, PTSD and not to mention ADHD. You're severely broken and no one will love you because of it."

"I'm still here." Nate says from behind me. I didn't even notice the music end, "Gracie is still here. The reason you can't love her is because you're such an asshole and everything has to go your way! You don't love her because she wasn't perfect. Newsflash, no one is perfect."

"This guy is still around?" Ronnie looked at me, "Well, Nathan, you're fucked up for still being here."

"I'm okay with that." Nate shrugs, "Because she is my sister."

I smiled when he said that. It was nice to see that he could call me his sister so easily even though I wasn't. It was the same way I called him my brother.

"No, she isn't, Nathan."

"Well, she might as well be. We've been inseparable since we've met."

The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I decide to speak up, "Guys, please don't make a scene. This is Gracie's wedding. Please."

Ronnie flexes his fist and gives us menacing glare before walking away.

After that the night was enjoyable. It is fun and everyone is having a blast.

As the night begins to settle down and people are slowly starting to leave, I get up on stage and tap on the mic to get everyone's attention.

"Hello everybody." I begin, "So, I just wanna say congrats to Grace. She has a wonderful husband and has a beautiful baby on the way. I wanna say thanks to Josh for always making her feel safe and taking her so far on this relationship. You guys are perfect for each other." I picked up a guitar that was sitting on the side of the stage, "Hopefully, I won't get murdered tonight. And I will say sorry, right now, for digging through the internet to find this song. But, hey, it sums up their relationship perfectly. Even now."

I start to strum the first few chords to the song and I see Nate's eyes go wide. I laugh slightly as the band picks up behind me. It was nice to see that they practiced the song for me. When I begin to sing the lyrics to the song, Nate cringes and then face palms. His fans, which have been there since the early days while he was Nathan Smith, cheer at the long lost song.

Nate looks up at me with that nostalgic but annoyed smile and silently sings along with me with the chorus.

I finish the song and after all the cheering, I announce, "On twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, any social media you can find me on. The original song is linked to where you can download it. And, a cover of the song will pop up on my channel in a few weeks. Once again, congrats to Gracie and Josh Ribolt. Hope the two of you are like this forever."

I hop off the front of the stage, doing a backflip, 'cause, why not? Mark walks up to me, "He had blackmail and you didn't tell me."

I look at Nate and shrug, "I didn't tell you because he was going to post it because of this anyway."

Nate shows me the tweet with the picture and I laugh.

The night is truly amazing.

ONE MONTH LATER

It's been a month since the wedding. Let's just say old habits die hard. Our rooms weren't our rooms anymore. If I fell asleep on the couch at the end of the day, I would wake up in Mark's bed with him when his alarm went off. If I actually fell asleep in my bed, Mark would crawl into bed with me at night and wake up when my alarm went off. Half of my clothes were in his room and half of his clothes were in my room. We had spare chargers for our phones in each other's rooms. The only things that stayed our own was the recording rooms and anything related to them, our bathrooms. If we wanted to be left alone, we'd close the door to the room that we were in.

It was just like college. Only we weren't in dorms and my bitchy dorm mate wasn't around anymore and Mark's dorm mate lived somewhere else.

I had also gone off my meds. Ronnie's words stuck in my head and, I really wanted to see just how broken I was. I couldn't be that bad could I?

Even though I am off my meds, I am still able to record videos. They were on schedule, but not at the same time. I mainly recorded games, music and vlogs. I hadn't done a skit in a while or little random videos.

Today, is my day off. I sit at my dresser mirror, looking at myself in the mirror. The voices in my head won't shut up.

You're a whiny little bitch.

Nate pities you.

Mark hates you.

You got what you deserved.

You're a slut.

Gracie ditched you.

Ronnie used you.

Make everyone's life easier by ending it.

The voices in my head jumble together and never make any sense. The anxiety makes my heart beat so fast. I'm worried about everything I do.

Was the video okay?

Did I edit it enough?

Will the fans like it?

What if I forgot to edit something out?

Should I go downstairs and talk to Mark?

Should I tell Nate what is going on?

Should I go downstairs in general?

Can I do anything right?

Or am I just in the way?

The hypersensitivity and lack of sleep added on to this and is just tearing me apart. I think I'm losing my mind and I'm having trouble trying to find a way out of this mess.

The flashbacks are worse.

When my family died.

When the orphanage ignored me.

When Fred adopted me.

When I was bullied in school.

I pick up an old razor that I almost forgot exists. With every flashback, three cuts.

When I became Fred's slave.

Slash, slash, slash.

When Fred beat me.

Slash, slash, slash.

When Fred took my innocence.

Slash, slash, slash.

When Ronnie left me.

Slash, slash, slash.

Pain starts to settle in and good memories come along.

Meeting Mark.

Hanging out with Gracie.

Moving to Los Angeles.

Meeting Nate.

When Nate rushed to save me last time this happened.

When Gracie learned about all my disorders.

I start to cry, realizing what I've done. I don't scream, knowing that will alarm Mark. He doesn't need to see me like this.

I begin to feel anger towards myself. I start to throw things around my room. Anything, everything I could physically lift.

After a while, I calm down and lay on my bed. The blood was still gushing out of my arms and legs due to the thinness of my blood from hardly eating for the past month.

Mark knocks on my door, "Y/N, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Help me.

There is some shuffling on the other side of the door and I hear a few rattles before he goes down the stairs.

The rattles! I forgot that I left my pills on the bathroom counter! Well, now Mark knows just how broken I am...

\------

I don't know how long I zoned out. Seconds? Minutes? Hours?

It must have been an hour at least. My new scars have stopped bleeding. There are people talking downstairs. One leaves and the other comes upstairs.

The person doesn't even bother to knock and walks right in. When I see who it is, I begin to cry once more. Nate doesn't say anything, he just hugs me and lets me cry until I cant no more.

Soon after I calm down, Nate carefully pulls me out of my bed and takes me to dress my wounds. He is quiet while cleaning the cuts on my arms and legs. When he is done, he pulls me into a hug.

"You know this hurts me too, right?" He whispers into my ear. He pulls out of the hug and kisses my forehead.

There was nothing behind it. We both knew that. It was an I'm here for you. As a brother/sister thing.

I look at him, "I just wanted the voices to stop... I want it all to stop."

I can hear Mark walk into the apartment and up the stairs. When he reaches the landing he looks at Nate. Nate nods and goes downstairs.

Mark hands me a prescription bag full of my refilled bottles. I take each bottle out of the bag and take the medicine. After about ten minutes of Mark keeping a close eye on me, he speaks.

"Y/N, why didn't you tell me any of this?"

I look at him in the eyes, "When I first got diagnosed, Fred told me that if I ever told anyone about all this, they would leave me on the streets." I start to explain, "My depression made me believe him. My anxiety made it impossible to tell anyone. So the people who know, found out. Gracie found out because her mom was my doctor and she asked her to watch over me. Nate found out because I forgot to put them away. Ronnie found out because he went snooping through my nightstand. How'd you find out?"

"They were falling out from the cabinet behind the mirror. The first one I saw was the ADHD one. But everyone knew that you had ADHD. But another fell out, and that one was for depression. I went to go put them away, but then I saw the rest of them. I didn't know what to do after I read all the info on them and saw that you missed the refill almost a month ago. I figured your brother knew, so I called him."

"Thank you, Mark. You did the right thing by calling him." I smile, "And thank you for getting my meds."

I hug him and he hugs me back.

"I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I'm going back home for the holidays."

I slightly laugh into his ear, "I'll be fine. Trust me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2335
> 
> Published: Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 2:55PM
> 
> Need to talk to someone? Message me!  
> Follow me on Twitter- @RandomFandom94  
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> Find me on FanFiction.net- OfficialRandomFandom94


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday today! I am 16 years old now!

November

I am driving Mark down to the airport for his flight to Cincinnati so he can spend time with his family for the holidays.

I drop him off at his gate, say goodbye and wish him a happy holidays and go home.

I record a ton of game videos and a vlog updating why my video schedule changed. Of course, I did not include anything of my disorders.

I also start to record a few covers that have been in the works for a while with Nate.

Even though my thanksgiving was just a turkey sandwich, I hang out with Nate, Morgan and Brett. Morgan and I have tons of girl's nights at her apartment too.

December

It is the 23rd and I already gave everyone their gifts. I got Morgan a new wig for one of her cosplays. I got Brett a new game to play. I got Nate a new mic because his old one was breaking. And I got Mark a new camera for his videos.

I have constantly called Grace to see how she's doing. Turns out her baby is going to be a girl and they are going to name her Eve Y/N Ribolt.

I have a mini tree set up in my room. It even lights up!

The next morning, Morgan breaks into my apartment early in the morning. She decides to wake me up. "Y/N, come on! Get up!" She shouts as she rips my- well Mark's blanket off of me and leaves to go find a some clothes that are hidden in the back of my dresser.

When she comes back, I am sitting up in bed still trying to process why the fuck I am up at 8:30 in the morning when I have no videos to record and nothing to do. That is until Kara comes and jumps on my stomach.

When I push her off, Morgan has my F/C duffel bag filled with clothes and is in my bathroom grabbing my meds. How does she know about that? She shoves them into my duffel bag then comes into the room.

She shows me the only Christmas dress that I owned, "Seriously, Y/N." She raises her eyebrows, "Why are you so anti Christmas? Is it because of me?"

My eyes go wide! "Good God, Morgan! Why on earth would you think that you're the reason I'm anti Christmas?!"

"I don't know..." She trails off, looking out the window, "Maybe because N-"

"No. The reason I'm anti Christmas is not because of you and Nate! Fred just ruined it. When I was eight, I got no Christmas. I had to tend to Fred's every need. And I got lucky if it wasn't sex."

"Oh. Well, I just thought, 'cause you know..." She smiles.

"Besides, if I had a problem with you, you'd know it." I laugh.

"Yeah!" She laughs back, "If I had a problem with you I definitely wouldn't be here packing your clothes and meds so that you can have a wonderful Christmas!"

"That too!"

Morgan tosses my dress onto the bed, "I'll just let you borrow one of mine."

She doesn't even let me get dressed as she pulls me out to her car.

Kara hops in the back and I sit shotgun.

Christmas was fun. Everyone gave me their gifts. From Morgan I got a new keyboard. Brett gave me a $50 gift card to Steam, which is where I get most of my games from. Nate got me a guitar necklace. I don't know what Mark got me, he isn't going to be able to give it to me until January.

January

New Years was fun. All four of us got drunk and stayed up all night. I was not allowed to go home that night either.

Today is the 2nd

I walk into my apartment, Kara following behind me. I haven't been here since Morgan pulled away for Christmas.

I walk straight to my recording room and sit in my chair. I look at my reflection in the black screen. Sure I am a little frizzled, still in the blue dress that Morgan made me wear for Christmas and New Year's. But, I need to upload today.

I get up and smooth down my frizzy H/L hair, readjust the necklace and dress. I walk over to my F/C duffel bag and pull out my meds. With my meds in hand, I sit back down in my chair and turn everything on.

I take a deep breath and start to record.

"Hey guys, its Random here! And boy, do I have a way to kick start the New Year!" I start, "Okay so first, Morgan decided to drag me over to Nate's apartment to celebrate Christmas and New Year's. Of course, you guys didn't know because I had videos recorded in advance and I was letting all my 2014 vids get out to you guys. But now you know!" I point to the camera, "Christmas was fun. I got a new keyboard, gift card to Steam and a necklace." I lifted my things up as I said them, "And New Year's, we all had a bit to drink and had a good time."

"Also," I start, "I'm going to ditch my old schedule of weekly videos and go for mainly gaming. After all the channel is named RandomGaming. Vlogs, skits, bloopers, and other little videos will still come. Just not as often."

I look down to my pill bottles then back to the camera. "But, let's get serious, and I mean serous."

I take a deep breath and start to rethink what I am about to do. The voices of Depression and Anxiety are screaming at me not to do it. Suddenly my phone lights up with a text from Mark. 'Whatever your about to do, I believe in you. You can do it.'

I have no idea how he knew when to send that, but it gave me the confidence I needed.

"I have a series of disorders. You guys know about one. In fact, it was not hard to tell I have ADHD. Everyone knows this. But there are others that you don't know about. I have depression." I lift of the pill bottle for it, "Depression makes it hard for me to get out of bed or even wake up in the morning. It lets all of the hate comments go to my head and makes me think that they're true." I pull up the bottle for anxiety, "I have anxiety. Anxiety makes me over worry about everything. Even my videos. I always ask myself the same questions every time I put up a video. Did I edit unnecessary parts out? Is what I said okay? Will they like it?" I pull up the next pill bottle, "Hypersensitivity. If there is a loud noise in the house that I didn't see and it was in the same room, I must inspect it. Anything unknown, I look at it like a bomb." The next bottle, "Insomnia makes sleep impossible. No matter how tired I am, unless I've worked myself to the point of exhaustion, I cannot sleep." Last bottle, "PTSD. Not only have I had it since my parents and sister died when I was a little girl, but it got more intense as I grew up. The way I was treated was not right." I finish explaining.

I sigh, "Well now all that's put in the open. I think I'm gonna go stare at a wall and rethink EVERYTHING." I end the video then edit it and upload it.

After I'm done, I walk over to MY bed and crash for the day. I am still pretty tired from yesterday.

January 7th

Mark gets home today. I get up and get dressed to go and get him. I arrive at the airport in time for his flight to land.

I meet him at baggage claim and give him a hug. As soon as he releases me, he goes into the front pocket of his suitcase and hands me a box. I open it and find a music note bracelet in it.

I put it on and hug him again.

February

Nate and Morgan are acting like the cutest couple right now. I have to admit, I'm a little jealous.

I'm so single...

They have no idea that I'm watching them from the computer. I am currently editing my latest cover video. Nate was in this one too. We did Maps by Maroon5. I'm putting on the finishing edits so I could have it out by Valentine's Day, which was in a few days.

I finish the edits and go back to staring at them, still being the cutest couple in the world.

I don't know how long I was staring before Morgan spoke, "Y/N, you can stop burning holes in the back of my head. I know you're staring."

Nate laughs, "She's just jealous, babe. She's, single."

I groan and shut off the computer, "Yep. It will be to years of being single in August."

"August?" Morgan questions, "I thought Ronnie left in March."

"He did." I stand up and walk over to the arm of the couch, "I kinda dated a guy in May that year."

"Kinda?!" Nate looks from the TV to me, "It was totally dating!"

"No it wasn't!" I roll my eyes, "I hid it from everyone! Messing around behind everyone's backs is not dating!"

Morgan looks at Nate, "Yeah, I agree with her." She looks back at me, "Who was the guy anyway?"

I brush it off, "He's not important." I say looking away. My phone flashes with a text, 'Ouch...' "In August we decided that... whatever we were... was just awkward and just decided to be friends."

"Oh." Morgan nods, "Also, when you were at my apartment last week you left a few of your clothes. Let me go get them." She gets up off the couch and leaves to go get the things she was talking about.

Morgan comes back with some of my clothes in a bag. "Here ya go."

"Thanks, Morgan." I took the bag from her and looked at my watch, "I gotta go. See ya!"

I grab my car keys and leave.

February 14th

Mark and I sit on the couch with popcorn and sodas. Both of us are single, so we decided to make fun of all the cheesy romantic movies that were being shown.

The last movie I remember watching is Titanic before I fell asleep.

March

I sit on the couch with Mark watching re-runs of Futurerama. Kara was laying on the floor in front of us.

Mark sighs as he dramatically flops over into my lap. "Y/N, I'm bored!"

I giggle and roll my eyes, "Well too bad. I'm bored too." I try to push him off of me but he is too heavy. He sits back up and turns to face me. "I try to get you to sing with me, but no. You have to sing with Random Encounters, MatPat, The Completionist and Matthias instead." I joke.

He laughs and then sighs. We go back to watching the TV. When it cuts to commercial, Mark lunges towards me and begins to tickle me. I laugh loudly. I am quite ticklish on my sides and neck.

It's fun and all, but something feels off. I stop laughing and space out. Mark stops his tickling and tries to grab my attention.

"...Hey, Earth to Y/N!" I look at him, "Too far?"

I think for a moment and look down to Kara. By now she would be barking and playfully tugging at Mark's shirt, her way of joining in on the fun. But, she is still laying on the floor.

Something is wrong. I reach down to pet her and I feel it. She is cold to the touch and barely breathing.

"Something's wrong." I get up from the couch and start to head up the stairs and into MY room to find Kara's medical papers. After I find her papers, I rush into MARK'S room and find one of my shirts that is in the mix of laundry.

I pull out a black button up short sleeved shirt and put it on over my tank top which is also black. I pull off my gym shorts and put on a pair of jeans and button up my shirt. On my way down the stairs I grab my black flip-flops and put them on.

Mark gives me a strange look, "What's wrong?"

I rush my fingers through my hair in an attempt to quickly brush it, "Kara. Something is wrong with Kara." Mark looks to my dog and then to me. "Mark, I know my dog, something is wrong."

He gets up off the couch and picks up the dog. I walk out the door with Mark behind me. I open the back door to my car and he puts the dog in the back before he gets into the passenger seat.

March 15

I had to put Kara down. The doctors said that it was going to kill her either way. They didn't even know what was wrong with her. It is quiet without her. I posted a video on YouTube about it and everyone was understanding about it. It's been two weeks since then. I am posting regularly again.

April

Everyone was busy. Nate is recording with Random Encounters. Morgan is working on a cosplay for con season, which is in the beginning of June. Gracie and Josh are busy with their new baby. Mark is recording. I was way ahead with videos, so I was just sitting on the couch watching How to Train Your Dragon 2 on Netflix.

Mark comes out of his recording room. "Get dressed." Is all he says to me as he walks past me.

"Why?" I ask, breaking my focus from the movie.

"Just do it." He says.

I roll my eyes and get up from my spot on the couch. I walk up to MY room and grab a shirt to put on over my tank top. It is a maroon top with a mesh shoulder. I pull a pair of jeans from the bottom of my drawers and put them on. On my way down the stairs, I grab my converse.

As I put my shoes on, Mark grabbed his keys and told me to get in the car. I got in the car and Mark took me out for a night of fun. As friends of course.

Why would we do anything other than as friends? *Nervous Laughter*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2,447
> 
> Published: Saturday, September 9, 2017 at 7:40AM
> 
> Need to talk to someone? Message me!  
> Follow me on Twitter- @RandomFandom94  
> Find me on- RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Archive of our Own (AO3)- RandomFandom94  
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> Find me on FanFiction.net- OfficialRandomFandom94


	7. Chapter 7

May

 

Almost every weekend, Mark and I have gone out just to enjoy ourselves. AS FRIENDS of course. *Nervous Laugh* Yeah...

Right now we are currently at AJ's house recording stuff for the Five Nights at Freddy's Musical that comes out in June. We are recording for it now because Mark needs June to pre-record for Indy Pop Con and PAX, which is later that month.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm here to record. I'm not part of this. Mark is the night guard and AJ is Purple Guy. What am I supposed to be doing?

The sun just went down for the day, which means it's time to record. I get out of the way so they can begin.

Why am I here? Mark could be doing this without me.

 

Recording for night one goes well. I even got Chica put on my hand and worked behind a camera a bit too. Time to work on night two.

 

We worked hard on night two. I am actually in the end of it too. When they drag Mark out of the place, I am just standing there as they drag him out. When they are out of shot, I walk in as if I am taking over the rest of his shift.

I guess I wasn't useless like I thought I was.

Mark pulls his car into the parking lot of our apartment complex. I get out of the car and almost instinctively go to the back seat to let Kara before I remember that she isn't there. I sigh and follow Mark up to the apartment.

We go inside and go straight up the stars and go to bed. Of course because I decide to go to bed in MY bed, Mark crawls into bed with me.

Two Weeks Later

I am in my recording room watching some old footage that was scrapped two years ago. I smile at the stupid things that Nate and I did back then. Someone knocked on the door, I jumped and quickly closed out of the old videos.

"Did I interrupt something?" Mark chuckles as he walks into the closet and sits next to me.

I let out a sigh of relief, "No. I just thought you were someone else."

"Who else would be in the apartment?" He asks me.

"Ryan and Daniel. Maybe Matt." I say as I pull up the videos again. I don't hit play, though.

Mark looks over to my computer to see the window that I minimized earlier. He sees the frozen frame and smiles slightly. "They are over a lot, aren't they?" I nod in response. "Well..." He trails off.

I turn off my computer, deciding I'm done being nostalgic for today, and turn to Mark once more, "Well what?"

"The boys and I are thinking about getting a place together because we're over at each other's places all the time."

I felt my heart sink to my stomach. Is he really going to find a new place to live without me? Are his friends that much better than living with me? Who can blame him? Depression yelled at me. Living on the streets is better than living with you. I sigh and show a fake smile.

"Okay. At least you told me about it. I can find a place for me before the lease is up."

My heart is racing from forcing myself to speak. I take a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Well what if you came with us?" He asks me as I stand up.

"What?" He wants to live with you because he pities you, Y/N. Isn't it obvious?

"Yeah." He shrugs, "The guys are fine with it. I'm fine with it. We can still be roommates."

"Mark," I begin, "even with four of us, how are we going to afford a nine bedroom house?"

"Why would we need nine rooms?"

"One room for me. One room for you. One room for Daniel. One room for Ryan and one room for Matt. There's five rooms there. One recording room for you. One recording room for me. One recording room for Matt, Ryan and Daniel and an editing room for Matt."

He chuckles, "Okay, I see your logic. But, you and I technically share a room already. So why have your own room when we sleep in the same bed anyway? The room in the house I'm looking at is huge. It has a space for me to record. It has a walk-in closet that's bigger than what you have here and that can be your recording room."

"Okay," I sit back down, "that's still a six bedroom house."

"Matt, Ryan and Daniel will all have their own rooms. The kitchen doubles as a dining room, so that is huge. And there is a sun room and a living room. The sun room is where they can record and edit because that room is huge too. Out back has a pool and some grass. Pretty much everything in that house is huge."

I think about it for a while. "Are you sure you want me to come along?"

"It's fine by me."

"Okay."

The next day Mark and the guys are able to buy the house, of course I pitched in too. I mean, I'm going to live there too. I went out to get boxes so we could put away the pointless stuff that we have in the apartment.

We begin to pack the pointless stuff like posters and fan stuff. Some of the stuff Mark gets from his fans is awesome and I almost feel guilty that we are packing it up first.

While we are cleaning, I have my camera set up so that I can make a video with it later. I also have some music on from my random playlist on Spotify. Mark and I dance around with the music while we are packing.

We are in MY room packing up what is left in here. Right now we are just packing up the small things such as clothes, pictures and other things that are not a priority. The song Fine By Me begins to play as Mark takes down the curtains on MY window, giving the room that cheesy lighting to go with the song.

Mark quietly sings along to the lyrics as I tape up the box in front of my camera. When the song starts to lead up to the chorus, I quietly begin to sing along with him. The actual chorus of the song comes along and we both are now singing loudly to it while dancing around.

The camera is catching all of this in the cheesy lighting and everything seems perfect. 

When the song ends, we have both flopped down on MY empty bed and we are smiling like everything is perfect. And it is perfect. I pull out my phone and take a picture of me and him and then turn it to video so I can get more footage for this video. Mark turns to me and I turn and look at him in the eye. We both smile as if we are the happiest people in the world.

"I know the next cover I'm doing." I say as I turn away, my cheeks heating up. I turn off my pone camera and get off the bed.

Mark laughs, "What, are you going to use this footage too?"

"Now that you mention it, yeah. The footage of us moving is the next cover video."

Over the last week and a half of May, We have packed the apartment and moved into the house that we are going to share with Matt, Ryan and Daniel. Mark and I have our room set up. He has his little corner to record and I have my slightly bigger recording closet. Both of our dressers are against the wall on one side of the room and the bed is a few feet away from them.

The boys haven't moved in yet. According to them, they don't move in until this Sunday. Which is tomorrow. Right now I am heading to the Nate's apartment to record the vocal part to the newest cover I am working on. I have Mark with me because he is going to do this song with me.

I park my car and walk into Nate's apartment. As usual, Morgan is here as always.

"Hey, Y/N!" She smiles as she greets me with a hug. "I haven't seen you in at least a month. What have you been doing?"

I smile and hug her back, "Well, in the beginning of the month, Mark dragged me to his Random Encounters shoot and then we got into the process of moving house. His editor and Cyndago are going to live with us."

"You moved with him?" Nate walks into the room with a sly smile on his face.

"Yeah."

"Okay." He says, the sly smile still on his face.

"I see that smile Mr. Smith." I turned my head to Nate, "What's the meaning behind it?"

"Nothin'." He replied and walked off to the kitchen.

I never noticed how small his apartment is. I mean there is enough rooms for him and Brett but it has a small studio in it and editing computers all over the place. It's a small apartment. I guess I just noticed because of moving into a really spacious house from my own small space.

"Do you ever think of actually moving in with Morgan?" I called out to Nate.

His head pops out from the kitchen doorway, "I've thought about it. We've talked about it."

"And it hasn't happened yet because?" Mark asks from behind me.

Morgan shrugged, "I don't know."

I pat her shoulder, "It's time to stop spending the night and actually get a place together." 

She smiles, "Yeah, it is kind of cramped in here."

I smile and take Mark and walk off to the recording room.

"So... How is this going to work?" Mark asks me as I set up a camera to record us.

"You are going to record your parts and then I'll record mine, then we'll get video of us singing together." I explain as I go to check sound. The sound seems to be working just fine. "Ready Mark?"

He puts on the headphones and gives me a thumbs up. He begins to nod his head to the song and begins to sing his part, "You're not the type, type of girl to remain with the guy, with the guy too shy, too afraid to say he'll give his heart to you forever. I'm not the boy who will fall to his knees with his hands clasped tight begging, begging you please to stay with him for worse or for better."

I cut off the song and review the recording. Perfect time to move to the next part. I begin the music where it leads in and Mark sings his next part, "But I'm staring at you now. There's no one else around. I'm thinking you're the girl for me. I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me."

Once again I review the recording to see that it is perfect and then start his next part. "And it seems that every time we're eye to eye, I can find another piece of you that I don't wanna lose. And I'm staring at you now, there's no one else around. I'm thinking you're the girl I need."

Same pattern again, now I record the last of his part. "I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me. I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me. And it's never easy. Darling, believe me, I'm as skeptical as you. But I don't wanna come on too strong. I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. We can live like this forever. It's fine by me. It's fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me. I'm just saying its fine by me if we never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me."

I go over the audio, listening to his parts in full. It kind of sounds weird without my parts in it. I explain to Mark how the recording setup work and when he's got it, I go in and record my parts.

First is the chorus, "But I'm staring at you now. There's no one else around. I'm thinking you're the guy for me. I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me."

Mark reviews the audio then attempts to move to my next part of the song. He does well for his first try.

"In the past I would try, try hard to commit to a guy. Wouldn't get too far. It always somehow seemed to fall apart. But with you, you, you, I can see what I need. I can dream realistically. I knew that this was different from the start."

Mark gets a little better his second try. I record my part, "And it seems that every time we're eye to eye, I can find another piece of you that I don't wanna lose. And I'm staring at you now, there's no one else around. I'm thinking you're the guy I need."

Finally, I can record my last part.

"I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me. I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me. When I think of life without you, it seems like "What I'm supposed to do?" But I don't wanna come on too strong. I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave. We can live like this forever. It's fine by me. It's fine by me if you never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me. I'm just saying its fine by me if we never leave. And we can live like this forever. It's fine by me."

I walk out of the homemade whisper booth and import the audio files to my own computer back at the house. Now we have to record ourselves together. I go into the room that has the black sheet hung up and I set up the lighting and the camera, we record with the help of Morgan. When we are done with that part, I have so much editing to do.

We walk out of the room and decide to hang out with Nate and Morgan for a while. 

"Y/N, look!" Nate points to the TV and I see a preview to the second season of Gravity Falls.

It looks so freaking awesome! I seriously can't wait for it to come out. "Holy Crap! It's coming back!" I look at Nate, "We're watching it together right?"

"Of course!"

We watch mindless shows for a while longer before Mark and I decide it is time to go home.

Mark and I reach the house and our first instinct is to raid the fridge, which is kind of empty. We find something to eat anyway. We eat and I go off to my recording closet and try to edit some of this audio together before I go to bed. Of course, you know me, when I start to edit something I don't stop until I'm done.

I'm happy with the finished product. The footage was all sappy and cheesy with us being us in as we pack. Sometimes we even forgot that we had a camera on us. The footage of us singing was put in the appropriate places throughout the video. Overall, I'm happy with it, it looks awesome.

Happy with my results, I crawl into bed and lay down. Before I fall asleep, I can feel Mark's arm wrap around my waist protectively. I snuggle closer into his chest and fall asleep easily for the first time in a LONG time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2,738  
> Published: Monday, October 9, 2017 at 5:12PM
> 
> Hey guys. So, I got a job last month and I still have schoolwork to do on my days off too. Writing is going to be a bit hard now. I, promise to try to get a chapter out at least once a month but they won't be as on schedule as they used to be. Sorry about that. I hope you liked this chapter! Leave me some feedback!
> 
> Need to talk to someone? Message me!  
> Follow me on Twitter- @RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Snapchat- RandomFandom94  
> Find me on Archive of our Own (AO3)- RandomFandom94  
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> Find me on FanFiction.net- OfficialRandomFandom94  
> Find me on Wattpad- RandomFandom94  
> ~RF94


	8. Chapter 8

June

I finish placing the framed pictures of fan art on the wall in our sun room. Daniel is setting up tables while Ryan and Matt are setting up the computers. I sigh as we all finish our tasks and sit down at the kitchen table.

"Finally, the house is fully unpacked." Ryan said as he took a sip of his soda.

I yawn, "I have so much recording to do before Friday."

Matt sit down next to me after he grabs some ice for his soda, "I can help you with some of your editing. Take off some of the work load."

I look at him, "Matt, I can't do that to you. You already have so much with Mark's stuff."

"Well, I am ahead with my videos. Matt shouldn't have anything to edit for a few days and I can even help out with your editing because I'm so ahead." Mark explains as he walks down the stairs.

I look up from my cup and breathe in, "You sure guys? I have to have a month worth of videos before I leave this Friday."

"I'm sure." Matt and Mark say at almost the same time.

~~

The week is filled with me making videos and Mark and Matt editing them as I make them.

At the end of the week I have at least twenty-five videos at the ready. It definitely took a lot of recording and editing and a lot of lost sleep, but we did it.

~~

OMG CON

Five AM should not exist. I hate getting up early. I also hate packing. I finish packing my bag for the weekend at OMG Con. I look to the bed Mark and I sleep in. He is still asleep. I sigh and carry my bag down the stairs and out the door.

In the parking lot, Brett, Nate and Morgan are waiting for me. I put my bags into the trunk and slid in the back seat next to Morgan. On our way to the airport, we go and pick up Xander.

~~

HOLY SHIT LAX is a nightmare. There are people everywhere! It takes forever to get through TSA. We are always getting noticed by fans, which is nice, but really time consuming to get to the plane gate. We reach our gate and we immediately have to board the plane. Nate sits by the window, Morgan sits in the middle and I sit next to her. Brett and Xander sit behind us with a random stranger. After we reach three thousand feet in the air, I pull my phone out and listen to my music as I fall back asleep.

I wake up about thirty minutes before the plane lands. I look over to my left and I see Morgan and Nate sleeping on each other's shoulder. It looks cute. I take my phone out of my back pocket and take a picture to post when we land.

I wake the two of them up and turn off my phone so we can land. The plane lands and the five of us get off the plane and easily make it outside. I lean against the wall of the airport, enjoying the cool air of Nashville while I try to brush off the tiredness.

We have to drive two hours to Kentucky to get to our hotel. This is going to suck.

Morgan comes up to me, "Are you okay? All you have done is sleep today."

I open my eyes and give a tired smile, "I'm fine. I'm just so tired."

"Why?"

"I recorded and edited twenty five videos in the span of four days." I explain as I push myself off the wall as our rental car pulls up.

Morgan gets into the driver's seat and I sit in the passenger seat while the boys get in the back.

It's quiet for a while until Morgan decides to yell out randomly, "YESTERDAY WAS THE DAY I HAD FUN WITH CIMPANZIES!!!!"

I flinch in my spot where I sit as everyone else burst out laughing.

"WHY! WHY!" I shout as I start laughing too.

"I don't know! It was too quiet in here." Morgan turned back to the road, keeping her eye on traffic as she drives.

Nate leans forward from the middle seat in the back and gives her a kiss on the cheek, "This is why I love you. You're so random at the randomest of times."

I turn to see behind me, "Being random is my thing! MY THING! She cannot be random!"

"She's more random than you!" Nate shouted at me.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and reach behind me to hit Nate. He leans back to protect himself from my wrath. "Morgan! She's attacking me!"

"Kids, behave or I will turn this car around so fast!" Morgan playfully yells at us.

Nate and I calm down and I sit back down in my seat. There is a quiet moment before Nate and I simultaneously say together, "Yes mom."

Xander bursts out laughing, "Woah! When did this happen?!"

We all laugh loudly and it is pretty much like this the rest the ride.

We reach the hotel and all of us immediately crash. Not even caring who crashed where.

~~

Someone yanks the blanket off of me and I curl up into a ball, hissing at the light coming from the windows.

"Come on, Y/N. You need to get up. We have a meet and greet at twelve. It's ten. You need to get up and get ready." Nate tells me as I sit up.

I rub my eyes as Morgan comes out of the bathroom drying her fading blue hair. She points at me, signaling that it is my turn to use it.

I go through my bag and pull out a black tank top and a loose fitting F/C shirt that hangs over one shoulder. I grab a pair of black leggings to go with it. Along with those, I take my travel shampoo, conditioner and body wash out and make my way to the bathroom.

As the water warms up, I brush out my hair. I should get it cut. It's so long compared to when I first moved out to LA. It used to be so short. Like so short that from behind, you thought that I was a guy with longish hair.

I hop into my shower and take it quickly. After all we have a lot of things to do today. I wash up and get out. I quickly get dressed and I walk out of the bathroom while drying my hair.

I sit on one of the beds and I notice that five of us squeezed onto two beds last night. Xander brought an air mattress so he didn't have to invade my space at night even though I told him it would be okay. Brett said that he was okay with sleeping on the couch, and no one fought him on that.

"So... Where do we eat?" Brett asked from the couch.

"MickyD's?" I suggest.

Everyone agrees and we get McDonalds on the way to the convention center. We get there at eleven-thirty. Thirty minutes before our meet and greet.

I sit in my seat next to Nate and Morgan sits kind of between/behind us. Brett and Xander sit in their seats further down the table. We all talk and joke around for a while before the fans begin to show up.

~~

"Hi! What's your name?!" I smile to the hundredth fan that has greeted me today.

She hands me my signature shirt and smiles back at me, "My name is Amanda! Nice to meet you!"

I grab my now dying sharpie, "Hi Amanda! So tell me, what is your favorite thing about the channel?"

"I love your skit videos and music videos!" She tells me.

I sign the shirt and hand it back to her, "Nice! Wanna picture?"

"Yes, please!"

I stand up and take a selfie with her and then wave her off.

~~

"Hi!" A short chubby boy walks up to the side of my table and gives me a hug.

I quickly hug him back, "Hi! What's your name?"

"Brendan."

"What's your favorite thing about the channel?"

"You and how you were able to overcome you fear of telling everybody about your conditions." He tells me as he hands me a painting he made.

I take a look at the painting. There were a bunch of blank people labeled as Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Hypersensitivity, ADHD, and PTSD and in the middle is me fighting all of them off. It looks badass to be honest.

"This looks awesome! It's so good Brendan! Did you paint it yourself?"

He nods, "You showed me that I can overcome my insecurity about being fat and ignore all the hate I get because of it." He tells me, "Can I get a picture?"

I take a selfie with him and hug him once more.

~~

A super perky blonde with blue streaks walks up to me with a dark haired boy following behind her. He looks like he would rather be somewhere else.

The blond skips up to me and hands me her phone, "Hi! I'm Brooke! Can you sign my RandomGaming phone case please?!"

I take out my still dying sharpie and sign the mint green case. "Hi! Want a picture?"

"Hell yes!" She shouts as she hands her phone to the guy behind her. She stands next to me and he snaps the picture. "Thanks! Bye!" She waves as she skips off.

~~

I met a lot more people and I was able to get a few video clips of them for a vlog later on this week.

We all decide to go out for pizza tonight and walk around the park nearby at our hotel. I watch Brett, Xander, Morgan and Nate be kids as I sit and play around with the ring still on my finger.

It's been over two years and I still wear the engagement ring from Ronnie. I keep wanting to take it off, but I don't want to. It's strange. Like a part of me still belongs to him and I can't make that part leave him. ..... Why am I even thinking about this? Wearing the ring after he walked out on me never bothered me before. Even while I was with him. Why does it matter now?

I push the thought to the back of my head as I join my friends at the park.

After a while of messing around at the park and becoming a tangled mess with Morgan as I trip over her while running to catch Brett in a stupid game of freeze tag, we decide to go back to the hotel and get some sleep for tomorrow. We have a panel at three. We reach the hotel and Brett sets up his pillows on the couch while Xander blows up his air mattress. Nate is setting up his and Morgan's bed while Morgan cleans the makeup off of her face. I lay down and get comfortable in my bed.

~~

Why haven't I taken off the ring yet? What part of me is still so attached to Ronnie that I can't take this thing off? Why do I suddenly want to take it off? Why is that suddenly so important? Why does it matter?

It's been a few hours since everyone has fallen asleep and this damn ring is keeping me awake. Why? Why is it suddenly so important? I check my phone under the covers of the bed once more. Two fifty-eight. Why can't I sleep?

I hear the covers move and the shuffling of feet from the bed next to me. In a panic, I quickly lock my phone and set it back on the night stand next to me and then pretend to be asleep.

When I think the coast is clear, I sit up and rub my tired eyes. Maybe I can't sleep because my contacts are still in. No that's not it. What is it? Why can't I sleep? I've already established that it's partly because of my ring. But I have summed that up to the insomnia. I sigh and rub my head.

I wish the voices in my head would shut up. The voices all mix together and nothing they say makes any sense. I wish my heart would slow down. It beats so fast that I feel like its tearing me apart. I'm going crazy and I'm having trouble finding a way out. I am placed under the spell of all my sicknesses. They are making the mirror show somebody else that I don't know. I am in hell. But not just any hell, it's special. It's a fucking monster.

The toilet flushes and Morgan walks out of the bathroom. She looks to me, "Insomnia?" I nod as she walks back over to her bed. She arranges a few pillows as I lay down to try to get some sleep. I close my eyes when the covers lift from my right. "Scoot over." She whispers to me as she climbs into the bed next to me.

"Why?" I ask.

"I know how your mental issues work. Nate told me when we started dating. He made it clear that he would drop everything he was doing to make sure you were alright. And he also told me how to help you if he couldn't." She smiles at me, "He's a good friend. He's your brother."

I smile as she closes her eyes and falls asleep next to me. I close my eyes and I can get some peace and I fall asleep as well.

~~

We all wake up at about nine the next morning and get ready for the day. I rub my tired eyes on the way to the convention center. I fucking hate insomnia. It keeps you up all night with false worries and then you're tired all day.

We walk around the floor of the convention center while meeting fans and getting some cool merch from other stands. Our panel starts and I zone most of it out worrying about other things completely. I only step up in a conversation if I had to. I only answer questions if they are directed at me. I am just out of it today worrying about my damn engagement ring. I was never a fucking problem until now! Why does it fucking matter!

The panel ends and I am happy that we leave tomorrow. I obviously need some time to collect my thoughts before I result to desperate measures. Now that I think about it, my skin itches for that sting of the blade. I want it to cut into my skin. I want it so bad.

"Y/N!" Brett grabs my attention as she shouts my name.

I shake my head clear, "Sorry. What?"

"Where do you want to go for dinner? Everyone else was thinking Golden Coral." Xander catches me up.

"Um..." I begin to think, "Yeah. That sounds good." I say as I step in the car.

Nate sits next to me and Brett squishes next to him. Morgan sits in the passenger seat while Xander drives.

I tune out the conversation and look out the window. I watch Kentucky pass by until my phone vibrates with a text message.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and see that the text is from Nate.

N: What's up with you? You've been quiet. Wanna talk about it?  
T: I'm fine. Don't worry about it, okay.  
N: We both know you're not fine. Come on Y/N, I know you too well. What's up?  
T: Leave it alone, Nathan.

I never call him Nathan unless I am warning him of something.

N: OKAY THEN! We will talk this out later. I won't do it in front of everyone but you need to talk about whatever is bothering you. I see you scratching at your old scars. You need to talk to someone about whatever is wrong with you. If you don't want to talk to ME about it, that's okay. But please talk to someone.  
T: I don't need to talk to anyone. I'M FINE!

Our text conversation ends as we pull into the parking lot of the restaurant. We all went in and payed for ourselves and ate our hearts out. It is an all you can eat buffet after all.

~~

We came back to the hotel at about nine. It is midnight now and everyone is asleep. I grab my key card and walk out the door to take a short walk. I walk to the nearby park and sit on one of the swings. I begin to slowly swing on it trying to collect my thoughts.

Suddenly someone pushes my back and I look behind me to see Nate.

"Nathan, I told you I didn't want to talk about it." I almost shout at him.

"I know, Y/N. But I know you too well." He says as he reaches into my back pocket to pull out the pocket knife I have. Damn! "Now tell me, what were you going to do with this?" He comes to stand in front of me.

"Clear my head." I look down to the ground, tears beginning to well in my eyes. I don't know where they're coming from though, "The voices in my head will not shut up. My heart beats is way too fast. I feel as if that's all I can hear sometimes. My sickness places me under a spell and I cannot recognize who I see in the mirror. It's a fucking monster I see. I'm going crazy and its hell. It's fucking hell, Nathan! It's fucking hell. And worse of all, I don't know why I'm suddenly losing it now. I was fine a few days ago. And now my ring is bothering me. It didn't bother me then, it didn't bother me in May when I was with him. Why is everything bothering me now?"

Now I know where the tears are coming from. They are coming from the anger from being so frustrated and it sucks.

Nate hugs me and tries to calm me down. "Well I don't know much about what is going on inside your head but, I think its separation anxiety."

I rub my puffy eyes on his shoulder and sniff, "What?"

He pulls away and sits on the swing next to me, "Well, since... Kara... you've never really been away from Mark. At all. Maybe a few hours at most but that's pretty much it. I also think the separation is making you realize a few things."

"Like what?" I wipe my eyes once more, the tears still streaming down my face from frustration.

"Like the fact that you might love Mark. That you need him. Remember when Morgan and I started hanging out all the time?" He asked, "And then she had to go somewhere for a few weeks and I was so fucked up because she was gone. While she was gone, I realized that I love her and I need her in my life. I figured that out with the separation and I think the separation from Mark is doing the same to you. You just have to come to terms with it and figure out if you really love him or not." He explained, "You might need him in your life as much I need Morgan. Or as much as we need each other, Y/N. But you have to decide if you're ready to let go of Ronnie and even him."

The him he is referring to is Mystery Guy. He knows it and I know it. I may say that I've let go of them. But honestly, I haven't. I still wear the engagement ring from Ronnie. I haven't let him go because he's been through so much with me even though we are not together anymore.

It's quiet for a while. But it's not awkward, angry, sad or tense. It's just comfortable. We sit and slightly swing ourselves.

"So..." I begin, "Is sleep on the table tonight?"

Nate chuckles, "Nope. It is two seventeen. You took an hour walk and we talked for about thirty minutes and sat in silence for an hour. It will take an hour to get back to the hotel. If we go to sleep when we get back we won't get up in the morning."

"Yeah, we have to be up at six, drive two hours to the airport in Nashville so we can catch our plane at nine thirty."

"We can sleep on the plane." He smiles at me, "So... coffee?"

~~

We walk into the airport at around nine. It takes twenty minutes to get through TSA this time. We all have at least ten minutes of down time at the plane gate.

When we board the plane, I end up getting the window seat, Nate sits in the middle and Morgan sits in the aisle seat. Brett and Xander sit behind us like last time.

The plane takes off and Nate immediately falls asleep. I, however cannot. Even after staying up all night.

The plane ride is very long and boring for me. I cannot fall asleep and I still don't know why. Maybe Nate is right.

~~

The plane lands at LAX and I push through everybody to get to baggage claim. I just want to go home for a few days. I get to baggage claim and see Mark standing there with my bag.

I run up to hug him and he hugs me back. We leave the airport together and go home. On the way home I relax and fall asleep in the car as Mark drives.

Maybe I do love Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 3521 (I got carried away!)  
> Published: Wednesday, November 1, 2017 at 


	9. Chapter 9

June

"Ha! Pay up sucka!" I shouted to Daniel, who was losing to me in a game of poker.

He shoved his remaining cheese puffs to me and pouted, "Mark, she's cheating! I swear!"

Mark leaned back in his chair, "I have been watching you and her play for the last five rounds. You have an easy tell." He laughed.

I nod and check the time, '11:27PM' my phone reads. Mark is looking at it from over my shoulder.

"Holy shit! Y/N, we got to get to bed. Our plane for Indy Pop Con leaves at six. And on the way we have to pick up Nate and Morgan." Mark stands up from his seat.

I send a look to Daniel and push the cheesy snack towards him, "You caught a break this time, Kyre. Next time you won't be so lucky." I turn to Mark, "I'm lazy. Take me upstairs."

He rolls his eyes as I laugh. He bends down and picks me up bridal style. I squeal and laugh as he takes me up the stairs. He throws me onto the bed and I laugh even louder.

"I wasn't actually expecting you to carry me up the stairs!" I giggle, "I was just trying to be annoying!"

"Well it worked." He says while pretending to be angry, "Now do you want me to tuck you in too?" His smile broke through his act.

I roll my eyes, "No, I'm good. Now get in bed. We have things to do tomorrow."

He laughs and gets into bed, being too lazy to put pajamas on. I was already in mine.

~~

The alarm on Mark's phone blares in my ears. I bolt upright, trying to find the damn thing! Where the hell is it?! I listen around for it and eventually find the source. Hitting the 'dismiss' button, I crawl out of bed and go take a quick shower.

After my shower, I walk out of our bathroom to find Mark zipping up the suitcase he packed for the both of us. After that we went down the stairs carefully, as to not wake Matt, Ryan and Daniel.

We leave the house and head on our way to go and get Nate and Morgan. After we have gotten them, we head to the Airport.

~~

Surprise, surprise! LAX is still a fucking nightmare. People noticing us everywhere, being at the gate with only seconds to spare. Can LAX be easy for once?!

However, we make it to the gate and get on our plane. Morgan and I sit together while Mark and Nate are stuck behind us. A random stranger in the empty third seat for both of us.

~~

The plane ride isn't short. It is a few hours long. After editing some video from the last convention, I close my computer and pull out my phone so I can listen to music while I fall asleep.

I wake up to Morgan shaking me, telling me that we are going to land in about fifteen minutes. I rub my eyes and sit up, turning my phone off in the process.

We eventually land and all of us file out of the plane. We get through baggage fairly easy. We are waiting for our rental car now.

"I'll drive." I announce to the group as the car pulls up.

"Shotgun!" Nate shouts out, climbing into the passenger seat.

"Oh boy." I roll my eyes, "I have to deal with you the whole way to the hotel."

"Watch it or I might just be extra annoying."

I put my hands up in surrender, "Alright then." I turn the key in the ignition and begin the way to the hotel.

On the way there, we stop for some Panda Express to eat. We talked about random things like what to do to kill time tomorrow, where to meet up after our separate panels on Saturday, and whatever else interested us. We sang to every song we knew on the radio after we had run out of things to talk about. I got a few ideas for covers while doing that.

We eventually make it to the hotel and to our room. It is another basic room. Two queen beds on either side, a small couch up against the wall beside the TV, tiny kitchenette at the entrance with a small bathroom next to it.

The boys set the suitcases on the couch while Morgan starts pulling the blankets off the bed closest to the window. I just sit on the other one.

I pull out my phone to see at least ten texts from Gracie.

G: Hey!  
G: Guess what?!  
G: .....  
G: I found a babysitter for Eve.  
G: I'll be able to go to IPC and PAX.  
G: I'll see you there.  
G: On a completely unrelated note, what would you like for your birthday?  
G: It's a few weeks away ya know.  
G: I know you don't llke to celebrate it.  
G: *like  
G: NVM! I got an idea. See you at IPC! XOXO

I smiled at the thought of Gracie being here. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her since right before she had the baby in April. Wow!

F/I: That's gr8 Gracie. I look forward 2 cing u. We just got 2 the hotel. Nate and Morgan say hi. Ik I don't like my bday. As u kno dickface ruined them. I am excited 2 c what u have planned. C u @ our panel on Sat! I hit send and then turn my phone off. Mark starts tearing the blankets off of this bed and then climbs under them. I do the same. Nate hits the lights on his side and Mark hits the lights on our side. We fell asleep easily from being jet lagged from the flight. I notice how easily I am able to fall asleep as well. Maybe it was separation anxiety. Maybe I do love Mark. Maybe Nate was right. ~~ I was the first one up before anyone. Before even the alarm. That's weird, usually I am the last one up. I carefully try to get out of bed, as to not wake anyone. I don't get too far, however, I am trapped under Mark's arm. I smile to myself as I move his arm so that I can get up. Since I'm up so early and we don't have to be anywhere until one, I decide that I have the time to look presentable. Once I am out of the bed, I go over to mine and Mark's suitcase and pull out my mint green shirt with my sky blue logo on it and a pair of pants. I hop into a quick shower, clean myself off, hop out. I dry my hair as best I can with a towel as I brush it out and put it into a braid so it can dry. After I put my clothes on, I did my make-up, making sure everything looked perfect. I walked out of the bathroom and sat down at the little mini table in the kitchenette, wasting time on my phone. ~~ A few hours later everyone else woke up and got ready. I suggested I Hop to eat at since the convention center was right next to it. We all ate a late breakfast there and then walked over to the center. We set up our places and waited for fans to come up and greet us. ~~ It was a fun day. We all met tons of fans in the area. Some of them gave us gifts. Most of them got pictures with us and our autographs. Over all it was a fun day. Since we have time to kill, we are walking around the floor and just getting cool merch. After that, we decided to go back to the hotel and play some Cards Against Humanity. We all laughed and had fun for the day. ~~ I walk up the steps of the stage where mine and Gracie's panel would be. As soon as her and Josh saw me, they came over and bombarded me with questions about home and how things were going. Gracie even went so far as to ask how things are going with Mark. I dodge that question expertly and we continue to catch up. When the panel starts we start out by just catching them up with how our lives are for now. And after that it was time for a Q'nA. The Q'nA was going great so far. Most questions were pretty easy to answer. Some had stories to tell. "Ok, so this question is mostly directed at both Grace and Y/N, how did the two of you meet?" A fan asks. FLASHBACK I messed around with the neat side braid in my hair. Of course Fred put it in. He was good at stuff like this. I wondered why. I looked down to my red t-shirt and black leggings with red flats. This isn't too extravagant for a first day of Third Grade, is it? Oh well... I let it go and head to Mrs. Mackie's classroom. I sat down next to a blonde haired Asian girl who was wearing a similar outfit. She had a purple t-shirt on with black leggings and purple flats. It made me smile. The girl turned to me, "Hi. My name is Grace Adams. What's your name?" She asked quietly. I smiled wider, "My name is Y/N Fletcher. I love your outfit." END FLASHBACK The fan smiled at me and her and walked off having her question answered. The next fan comes up, "Okay, so similar question, but, Y/N, how did you and Mark meet?" FLASHBACK "Jen, let me in you bitch!" I shouted as I pounded at the door. "No! I want to get some fucking sleep tonight! You can sleep in the dirt where you belong you slut!" Jeni shouted back through the door. I whimpered and slid down the door, "I am not a slut." I started to silently cry as unwanted memories came into my head. I repeated those words to myself for maybe an hour before I heard footsteps coming my way. The person gently tapped my shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked gently. I looked up to see the person who had asked me the question. I sniffled, "Yeah." He looked at me closely, "No you're not. I can see the tear stains on your cheeks. What's wrong?" I sniffled some more and just broke down crying, "My roommate liked me out because of my recurring nightmares and then said some really triggering things that brought up some unwanted memories from the past." By now I was crying into his chest. He gently rubbed my back, waiting for me to calm down. "Hey, if you need a place to crash for the night I'm sure my dorm mate wouldn't mind." "Thanks." I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and looked up at him. "Name's Y/N." He stood up and held his hand out to me, "Mark. Now come on." END FLASHBACK Another fan walked up, "I feel stupid about my question now." "Let me guess," Gracie chimed in, "How did Y/N and Nate meet?" "Yeah..." The girl blushed. I laughed and told the story. FLASHBACK I was in mine and Ronnie's room, watching my brand new top of the line cell phone blow up with text messages from Fred. Ronnie was at his new job. Gracie was hanging out with her friend Josh. So, I was alone in the small apartment. I sigh and grab my designer coat to put on over my black and white tank top. It was winter of 2011 after all and even in LA it gets a bit cold. I pull on a pair of boots and put my ear buds in. As I left the apartment, I locked the door behind me and went for a walk. I walked for a while. I don't even remember where I was headed. A call came in on my phone. It wasn't Gracie or Ronnie or even Josh, Gracie's friend. It was Fred. I let it go to voicemail and continued to walk down another random series of sidewalks. It was one of those dark grey days. The ones where it was cold enough to seem like it was going to snow at some point. Even the sky looked it. Not many people were walking the streets of LA. It was quite cold out as it was late in December. I turned another corner. By this point, I wasn't even listening to music anymore. It was just my ringtone because Fred was calling over and over and over. I saw one of those trash cans outside of a diner and I stopped at it. Just stood over it contemplating my decision. It was the best way to get rid of Fred. I needed him out of my life. Entirely. I unplugged my ear buds from my phone while still leaving my phone in the pocket of my designer coat. After that I shrugged off my coat and shoved them in the trash can. I shivered at the cold air, only being in my tank top and leggings. I stand over the trash can trying to control my breathing. "Hey. Are you okay?" A man called out to me. Being pulled out of my trance, I looked to a man with long hair, for a boy at least. When I looked up to him, I noticed that I had been crying. He touched my shoulder but flinched back after touching my skin, "Jesus Christ! You must be freezing! Come on, let's warm you up." He led me into the diner and sat me down and bought two cups of hot cocoa for us to talk over. "Thanks..." I say after a while of silence. "Nathan Smith." " Y/N Fletcher." "What were you doing out there without a jacket? It's like 20 degrees out there." He asked me, concerned. I told him a vague story of my childhood with Fred. It didn't say anything out loud, but, he got the gist of it. "So, you just got rid of the coat and phone in the trash to get rid of him." He summed up my story while doodling on a napkin. I nodded, "What's the time anyway." He looks up from his doodle and takes out his phone, "It's about seven-thirty." "Damn. Wow! I better get home. Thank you, Nathan. For warming me up and just in general." I stood up from my seat in the booth. "Yeah. I should get going too." He took off his black hoodie and handed it to me, "Here, my apartment is just around the corner. I don't know how far you live though." "Thank you, once again." I stood up and hugged the man after putting the hoodie on. We parted ways and I started my hour walk back home. I shoved my hands into the pockets and felt the napkin that he was doodling on earlier. I pulled it out and unfolded it. "Hey Y/N, Everyone goes through tough times. I am just getting out of some stuff too. Ex-girlfriend, band break-up and whatnot. I know people don't like it when someone tells them not to live in the past, but hey, the future is so much brighter! Anyway, there's a little secret pocket in the jacket. There's $150 in there, get yourself a new phone. Don't worry about the money. It's just left over from the last gig the band and I did a few months ago. And when you get that new phone, here's my number. You look like you could use a friend. -Nate" END FLASHBACK "... So the next day I went out to get my phone and I haven't got rid of him since." I finish telling the story. We got the signal to wrap up our panel and we did, saying out goodbyes and walking off the panel. All of us hang out for the remainder of our time at Indy Pop Con and have a blast. ~~ The week back at home seems pretty normal. Five Nights at Freddy's 4 came out, so of course Mark rushed to play that as soon as possible. I of course, edit the footage from the convention to put up as a video at some point next month. A few days before I leave for PAX, AJ calls me, asking me to shoot a promo for Night 3 of the Five Nights at Freddy's Musical. I go ahead and do the thing. I mean, nothing cannon was in it. It was just a little two minute video of me playing poker with the puppets and talking about stupid things. AJ edited it so that I had to come back. The end frame of the video shows my phone still sitting on the desk, so I have to come back at some point to get it. ~~ PAX goes fine. I am still sorting through my feelings for Mark. Even with him next to me all the time. It is pretty much the same, except no Nate and Morgan. This time we have Mark, Wade, Bob, Jack, Matt, Ryan, Daniel, Josh and Gracie. Bob was ecstatic to see me again in person. Especially after so long. Jack and I have done a few collaborations together. It was nice to see him in person and not over Skype. Soon enough it is time to go home again. Only one more convention and then I'm done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Published: Monday, December 4, 2017 at 8:38AM  
> Hey guys, so I'm thinking I need a good cover. Not one that is crapily put together. If anyone can make a good cover that would be awesome. I will give full credit to the creator. You can send it to me through any of my social media sights. Anyway, luv ya all!!! Also, I know the reader refers to herself as "Fletcher" throughout the entire chapter. That's because anytime that she is saying her full name it is in a flashback, before she got used to refering to herself as her actual name or she was happy to actualy have a family again.~RF94


End file.
